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We got to my room and I immediately laid down on my bed. Mike said that I couldn't pass out with my shoes on, and sat down on the edge to unlace my heels. I began drifting in and out of sleep fairly quickly and hardly noticed that Mike had stayed to massage my feet. I woke up for a brief moment and complained it was hot in my room and asked Mike to turn the fan on. instead he suggested I change into something lighter. He stood up and turned around. I got up and slid my summer dress off, forgetting Mike could see me changing in the full body mirror opposite him.I laid back down now in some cheer shorts and a low v-neck blouse. He said he wanted to stay a bit longer to make sure I was sleeping alright, So I smiled and said okay.I woke up next feel Mike's hand on my breast. "Mike what are you doing?" I asked. He said he wanted to check my heartbeat, the pulse in my wrist felt weak. I asked him if it was easier to check there and he said that he was worried that he couldn't feel a strong. The nightmares themselves didn’t seem that bad, but waking up, I was terrified, out of breath, feeling like I was having a heart attack.’ ‘Why didn’t you tell us this?’ Ronnie demanded, clearly angry at me. I shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ I told him. ‘It’s a weakness. The day I’d first cut myself, a switch in my head had been flicked. Instead of feeling horror, I felt nothing. I became addicted to it. It was the only way to release the pressure that was feeling.’ ‘Damn it, Lance,’ Billy growled. ‘Look,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry, but at first, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what I was doing. It felt normal to me.’ ‘Are you stupid?’ Ronnie demanded. ‘How could you possibly think that self mutilation is normal?’ ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again, ‘But I felt I had to deal with this on my own.’ ‘So what does Maranda say about all this?’ Dalton asked, curious. ‘She busted me. Saturday, at the Teen Center. She made me walk with her. She’s very persuasive, made me tell her everything. I had.
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